Zero Again

Blogging has been therapeutic for Moi so far. BUT lately, Moi didn't have the time nor the mood nor the mindframe to blog. A lot of "outstanding" posts left as draft and yet to be post. A lot of thoughts that I had wanted to pen was left to slip away.

Ironically, I was not overwhelmed or swarmed with my wedding preps, which is about 5 mths away. I have been swarmed with tidying up my work to prepare for my next embarkment. This office-cleaning has been physical and mental draining only because of my "unique" relationship with my workplace. Looking back, I have been in this first job for a good 10 years. It's a mixture of happiness, regret and frustration reflecting on what I have had achieved and did not achieve during these 10 years. I enjoyed the creativity and freedom allowed in this job, yet I had grew bored with the challenges and burden of my responsibilities due to my "seniority" in the office.

As the realisation of me finally being able to embark and depart becomes nearer and realer, a mixture of feelings crept into my heart tormenting me day in and out. The fear and anxiety of leaving my comfort zone, realising that I wont be able to face the same wall that I have been facing for the past 10 years; the guilt of abandoning this place that had nurtured and groomed me. It wasn't a difficult job to be in but neither an easy one. I remember my earlier days when I stepped into here, fresh from varsity life, how my work ability and professionalism was being doubt and being scruntise in this uncle-dominance industry. WHERE the BIG UNCLES do the talking and the little girls just run the small things. But thanks to Bread Parpas, I was given the chance to do what I can do and not what others perceived I should do.

I enjoyed pissing off grey-haired uncles when he directed them to talk to me instead of to him and telling them that "SHE calls the shots not me.". My tears and joy during the learning process, the mistakes and blunders I made and the harsh "treatment" I received from my bosses, suppliers and customers when a deal fell through. How I grew to be tough, no-nonsense and earned my respect from the stubborn uncles to the factory workers.

I am both excited yet apprehend as to what lies ahead of my new embarkment. It will be a fresh start all over again; zeroing all my "accomplishments" for the past 10 years and starting afresh and from scratch. I ain't complaining cause this is my choice.

No regrets.