Let it Go

It's never easy to let it go because we are emotional creatures and because we are selfish. We need the existence and affirmation from another to prove our worth and our being. We want someone to fill that void, we want to have that relationship and bonding. So we keep holding on. We keep pressing on. Some might said it's unchangable heart, faithful, foolish. I think it's pathetic and selfish like a whinning child clinging onto something that does not belong to him.

Ballerina texted me about her final decision and seek for my support. I just replied "Selfish". To love is not only about holding on and more and more about letting it go. It's easier to hold on but it's more difficult to let go.

I read Love Is Letting Go by Claudine Goodman. She shared a story about how her youngest child smothered a baby bird to death with love because of clutching onto it too tightly. It is easy for us to shower our loved ones with so much affection that they can hardly breathe. Do we realize that it actually is possible to give them too much attention—not true love, perhaps, but at least over-concern? Do we realize such act can be due to our own selfish desire for our self-worth and expectation. I did so much for him, how could he do this to me? We are together for X years, I cant just let it go. I love him so much I cant live without him.

Woof boy taught me the lessons of letting it go and living life to the fullest. I used to think if only I have more time with Woof boy, if only this, if only that. Woof boy show me his strength of love for us. At his last stage of cancer, when he couldn't even swallow or drink, when everyday was so much pain on him, he still pressed on. AND only because of his love for us. Only because he loves us so much, only becuase he knows we dun want him to go. So despite all the suffering and pain, he pressed on. He pressed on each day to tell us his love for us. Not a day passed by without him telling us how much how much he loves us. Woof boy loves us so much BUT do we love him?? Now I question myself? I was selfish. We were selfish. We never thought of how he felt. We only thought of how we felt. How sad and devastated we would be without him. How our hearts would break if he left us. How much we need him. How much we want him. But never how much we love him....

Woof boy taught me what is love. Love is scarifice, love is unconditional. Love is no expectations. He expects nothing, he scarifices all including his life and he loves unconditional. I still remember the night before he left us, as I cradled him for the last time. For the first time, I asked what he wanted. He showed me his love for us.. all his love for us and how much he loves us and he just wants to love us till the last moment. That's is his purpose of existence. I told him we love him, I love him dearly and if his time has come, we would let him go... he seems to understand... I cried.

The next day he left us quietly. I was broken but he taught me to let go, to scarifice my own selfish interests for him.... It's like the movie Helen the baby fox. It is a very simple story about a little boy, Taichi and a fox that he picked up on his way home back from school. It shows Taichi love for Helen the baby fox and Helen's love for Taichi. Taichi never gives up on Helen till the last moment. And during the last moment, he too learns to let go when he brought Helen to the flower spot and Helen gave her last cry before departing the world.

I believe the last moments of Helen's life will be wonderful cause of Taichi's love and I admire Taichi's courage to let Helen go when her time is here too. It's never easy but if you truly love then you will let it go. Letting go can be loving too. Reminded me of Rick Price's Heaven Knows.

That if you really love her, You've gotta set her free...