Being True to Myself

Started posting out a few resumes over last weekend. Crossing my fingers and waiting impatiently for the determining phone call for my first step. This next job is not going to be any other job, it's not going to be just a job. It's going to be job that I can be true to myself. A job that I know will fulfill and complete me.

To follow one's heart seem such a simple thing yet it's so difficult. It requires one to have the discipline to listen and the courage to follow. We need to quiet other voices surrounding us, voices that disturb us to listen to our inner voices. When I was a kid, I wanted to take up art @ Lasalle but ended up listening to voices from family and teacher that being an artist will give me no future. When I entered university, I choose again to follow other voices and took mathematics and forsake Japanese language as my main module. I first felt really true to myself when I follow my heart and inner voice and went to Japan for a 2 months study stint. It was something I really wanted to do to prove to myself that I could be independent and not a protected kid. That journey changed my life completely. It was one of my major crossroads and I was glad that I took that path. But to be able to constantly follow my heart wasn't easy. I was more too often distracted by the different voices echoing around me. I joined my present workplace a good 10 yrs and 1 month ago. I learnt and experienced tremendously over these 10 over years. It was fulfilling, I liked my job but then it didn't complete ME. Deep underneath, it knew this wasn't what I really wanted. It felt more like a chore day-in-day-out. I just did the job for an income, for him. And so though I wasn't unhappy, I was empty.

So i wandered till I had a chat with ABC and DEF over coffee club @ taka and I finally heard my calling. My calling to become a Librarian. I know it was something that I wanted to do. I felt really energerised talking to them that afternoon. I started looking and surfing the net to discover what takes to become one. I searched for the different qualifications required and started to work myself towards it. It wasn't an easy task and I met with a lot of resistance voices as to why would anyone want to become a Librarian. I became a little doubtful and did a little bit more research and even took up a volunteer stint with the library to find out more for myself. I had earlier intended to take up a library qualification in Wales or Australia and needed to raise a good $30,000 - $50,000 for school fees and at least a semester's living expenses cum lodging. I had a hard time to force-save $1000 a month with my limited income and my expenses commitment. I took up 3 jobs at that time on top of my current job. I worked 4 times a day in the evening and once on a Saturday to give tuition; I helped to train speech with 2 kids on Sunday and I lobbied applicants for credit cards to get commission. I was very tired but it was a good tired everyday even if it means I did not have any thing and time except for work and more work. To motivate myself, I spent every possible free time at IDP and British Council to find out more about the courses and the place.

By twist of fate, I decided to pursue the course in Singapore instead and I love and enjoy my study so much despite before called insane by one of the lecturers during the first day of school when he discovered that I am planning to do the course full-time and working full-time. He told me I would never be able to make it. It might be puzzling to some of my readers how I could take a course full-time and work full-time. I went to school in day and rushed back to office to complete my work at the same time. It means a lot of sacrifice. I took 5 modules in my first semester and was struggling with work, assignments, tests, presentations, readings and exams. Many a night went un-slept. I was practically awake most of the time. Some days, I came to office at 4am and rushed for class starting at 8am, went through lessons till 2-3pm, rushed back to office to continue work. After work, I still needed to go back to school again to complete assignments, sometimes into the wee hours in the morning. I was only able to come home to brush my teeth, wash up and go back to work and school. The routine just went on and on but I survived and I am proud to say I made it.

I was glad I never refrain from listening to my inner self, remains true to myself in this path I have chosen. The feeling within me as I come to this moment is indescribable. Being true to ourselves involve hearing the one voice that call us.

Listen to your heart and follow it.